teases & kisses: March 2016

, by Unknown

appreciation

a compilation of sweet nothings

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, by Teof

couple

why you'll never really end up with your ideal partner

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, by Teof

appreciation

understanding the power of appreciation

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, by Teof

I admit it. "Sorry" does not easily from me. I grew up where sorry is not usually spoken of and forgiveness only comes with time. But it is never that I am okay with not being told I'm sorry, I appreciate it. You just can't really expect much of that word from me, aside from the habitual response when I accidentally step into the shoe (or toes) of a fellow passenger in a cramped jeepney or when I bump into someone 'cause my mind was far off wandering somewhere.

T says:

Saying “Sorry” has always been in our roots since childhood. Every after our jabbing session with my brother, our mom would always let us hug and say sorry with each other. And you know what, after that we are again close as glue.

Kie says:

The thing that hindered me from saying sorry, aside from the fact that it is not the word I grew up with, is my silly pride. Most of the time, I believe I am right or I am victim, whichever is applicable. Saying sorry even when things are not settled yet, or it has not been resolved yet what the crime is or who the suspect is, is something I learned from my husband. I'm getting the hang of it. Congratulations, self.

T says:

I don’t know if you find that unusual, but as I said before, I’m not your typically guy. Whether it is my fault or not, I start a conversation by saying “I’m sorry”. Though here comes the tricky part: after saying I’m sorry, my wife usually would then deal with the details to why I am sorry, what I have done wrong, and/or when do I think I have disappointed her. That is why it is very important to know how to dialogue the right way.

Related Content: How to dialogue the right way.

Kie says:

Saying or hearing sorry calms the heart. For me, it is like a signal that the other one is eager to talk and settle things out. It is a signal that he or she is sincere. I particularly appreciate my husband when he says sorry for some things even if I know it's my fault. It makes me guilty. And in a positive way, it makes me say "I'm sorry" too. And if I was crying the moment he says sorry or if I was done with my crying episode, expect me to burst once again, this time, with my heart calm and open.

T says:

That is one secret I should give you guys: say sorry first regardless whose fault it is. It calms the heart, and your partner is now open to hear your part. Though this is kind of tricky based on my experience, there will be times when you say sorry and your partner may not be willing to accept it. Don’t force it, it may end up you being angry and the result will not be good. Just ask her “Do you want to talk about it?” If she’d say no, then let her cool down first. Then come back, open it up again, and never let the day end without settling things down.

We say:

Saying "sorry" is one of the things couples should habitually say to each other, aside from "I love you" and "Thank you".Saying sorry does not mean you are wrong. It simply opens you both to a dialogue so you can begin processing the issue. It opens up your feelings. It calms the sad or anger of the other person.

If your partner isn't likely himself or herself, do not hesitate to ask what's wrong. It may be something you said or did, or something you didn't.

Did you do something today that you think you should be sorry for? Don't think twice, say sorry. And mean it.

TnK tip: peace offerings such as chocolates and flowers can also speed up the process.

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, by Unknown

communication

the three words: say it or do it?

Kie says:

Relationships, in general, need words. Some may argue that actions speak louder than words but according to poet Khalil Gibran in his book The Prophet "For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed." You don't expect anything to be interpreted or read the right way, there has to be words, but don't skimp on actions either.

T says:

Actions would give your partner hints. But your words will confirm them. Just like when you are courting, you don't say "I love you" right away, you first give her hints. Like: giving her your best smile (with matching blinking eyes if you can dare), treat her to dinner (most likely including her friends) and taking her home (hopefully no father is waiting at the front door). And when she responds positively, then BOOM: say it and she's yours.

These things do not end in courting and dating. It still applies even in marriage. The deeds make you feel loved but the words blow your mind and heart out. When your wife is cooking, hug her from behind and she'll feel loved. Whisper to her you love her and she'll best a 5-star chef. Never fall for the trap of being good at words without the deeds or being just a silent lover. The three magic words should come in both words and deeds. That' why it's called magic.

Kie says:

I love hearing and saying "I love you" everyday, or whenever i feel like it. It's like a reminder, though you know you don't need reminding. it's a pick-me-up when you are stressed or in a bad mood, it's a ray of light in a cloudy day, it's a warm hug even when he is not beside you right now, it's a cheer for you to go jump up the hurdles of the day, it's a good medicine to cure your hurts and doubts - it's a lot of things.

We say:

Our answer for the title question: BOTH. Why do you have to choose one when you can do both? Make it a habit to say, or leave a note, or send an SMS to your partner. Make "I love you" the first thing you say to your partner in the morning and the last thing you say in the evening. The way you say it does not have to be fancy - it just has to be sincere.

"I love you" is the first of the 3 phrases you need to say a lot to your partner. The other two, which are equally important, are "Thank you" and "I'm sorry" (which will be discussed on a separate post). These three are your mantra and bloodline - do not forget them.